i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
