I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
