it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
