Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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