Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
