Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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