She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize