I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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