Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
