Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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