Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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