I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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