There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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