I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
