she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Mom said you looked used
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
