Pregnant stripper...not hot.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
