how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
