I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
