I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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