you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Enjoy the penises
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
