I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
