When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize