Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
