I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
