A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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