I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i've created a new STD.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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