I'm lost and stupid without you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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