he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
