My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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