Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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