we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize