You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
