I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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