I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
