Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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