Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
