she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
