Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
