Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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