We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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