I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize