Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
