And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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