true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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