Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
