yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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