omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
