My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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