I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's get the cat blown out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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