Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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