when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
