i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
