My cat gives me a boner
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
