The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
