Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
