at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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