barbara walters just said penis...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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