my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
be right there i have to get my cape
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
