I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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