Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got inside last night via doggy door
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
